The Rev Counter - Blogs - fazerdaze

Personal values ..

fazerdaze — Sun, 17 Mar 2013 12:56:56 GMT

Looking back though some old photos recently, it made me think hard about the label 'biker' and what it means to me, and I decided that although there are no photos of me bungee'd to my dad as he rode me round the garden on his BSA, I know it happened, and wonder if that experience planted the first seed of my biker path. My dad got rid of the bike when I was three and a half and never rode another one until I was seventeen, so is it learned behaviour or is it deeper than that? Are some people just prone to become 'Bikers'?

Looking back through the pictures, from the age of fourteen bikes are everywhere. My friends all had them, my boyfriends all had them, my social life revolved around bikes for transport and biker friendly venues.
I don't know whether I became a biker when I was fourteen, or whether I already was one, but motorbikes have been the only constant in my life.

In my experience bikers are a bloody good bunch. They look out for each other and really care. They make-do & mend and go out of their way to help. Whether it's a nod on the road, lending of tools, donating 'bits', advice over the phone or driving miles to help when it's needed, bikers support and come through for each other time and time again.

There is a bit of an image thing going on, but that's largely down to the practicality of the clothes we wear in order to keep ourselves warm, dry and safe. It annoys me sometimes how much people judge and value others on the way they look; and maybe my being a biker has affected my whole life direction and achievement possibilities, but looking round at my mates and the way they are to each other, I'd take a bunch of greasy bikers over the suited an' booted fashion set any day!

I'm feeling selfish for wanting a dog ..

fazerdaze — Sat, 24 Nov 2012 19:32:37 GMT

Whenever winter comes round and I'm stuck indoors I get a real hankering to have a dog again.
I've found a cutie at the local kennels but I fear the long hours I work are against it. 15 hours is a long time to leave a dog on its own, but it would have free run of the house & garden, and I know of dogs that spend all day apart from a daily walk in outdoor kennels and pens, so would life with me be so terrible? Would a youngish dog be able to get used to it?

I'm being a bit of a wuss really. A bit reluctant to even apply in case they turn me down because I know I'd be so disappointed :-\

Cottage refurbishment ~ Garden development pt 2

fazerdaze — Wed, 14 Mar 2012 17:10:58 GMT

Just over a year has passed and the Greenhouse is still in boxes ~ well it would be if the boxes hadn't disintegrated with the weather! The trouble with this plot is it's round the back of the house and oh so easy to put off checking on, let alone doing anything :-\
I found my motivation again over xmas and the weather has been conducive to progress at last :)
I've still got a way to go . . the foundations need pouring, once that's done I can finally get the greenhouse put up, and I need to buy more wood to finish the second raised bed, then of course fill it with soil. There will be a third small bed alongside the Greenhouse once it's up, but in the mean time here's a couple of before and after pics :)

Attached Thumbnails

A review of 2011

fazerdaze — Fri, 30 Dec 2011 11:57:19 GMT

Originally Posted by fazerdaze

11 was a good year in that I didn't break anything :). Financially (and entirely my own fault) I have overstretched and am ending the year for the first time with an overdraft :(.
A spell of prioritising what I want over what I need saw the accomplishments of decorating two rooms in my little house, getting the electrics sorted in the garage, and some fencing to secure my boundary; all of which are fantastic achievements, and some of which I could not have managed without the kindness and generosity of 'mates rates' :). I've not got out and about as much as I would have liked, but that's all part of the prioritising process, and overall I'm pleased with my choices as this little house now feels much more 'my own' with the changes I've made :). Vehicles have as always been money-pits, but that's the price you pay for wanting something 'different' ;D. Again it has been mates who have saved the day and kept me mobile through periods of mechanical disaster :). Work has remained constant despite my efforts to escape, and sadly things have taken a downward slide there recently leaving a bitter taste to the year end :-\, but 'onwards and upwards' as they say ~ New year, new start. Refocus and go for it! ;D

3 years on ..

fazerdaze — Tue, 04 Oct 2011 10:13:16 GMT

Three years ago today we packed my life into a Luton van and moved it, and me, from literally two minutes from Gatwick Airport to my quiet little cottage in the Fens. I'd never lived more than fifteen miles from where I was born so it was both a psychological wrench as well as a physical move. Three years on I'm starting to feel settled. Some of the rooms have been decorated, I've made my mark on the place and it's feeling more like home.
Although I affectionately refer to Wisbech as the arse end of nowhere, it's a nice enough place despite having absolutely dire public transport, and I'm far enough away from the town to be able to say I don't actually live there.
I liked my old house, but who's to say I wouldn't have left it one day anyway? So, the page was turned, I started a new chapter, and I think I've made a pretty good start so far.
Sometimes I think I should have achieved more by now, but being here on my own 'tomorrow' seems as good a day as any to do anything. If anyone else needs or wants anything done, I'm there and it's done before they've had time to draw breath .. but when it's something for myself I lack motivation.
Maybe next year I'll get the greenhouse built :)

MSN My Space 2005 - 2009 part two

fazerdaze — Mon, 22 Aug 2011 00:44:54 GMT

11th August 2007 � It�s August and I�m single again L
The timing couldn't have been worse! I feel like shit because of having to move .. loosing my home, my job and everything that's familiar to me, and I go and loose my boyfriend as well I thought he cared .. I feel such a fool.

All I want is someone who will love and respect me. Why is that so difficult? What's wrong with me?

12th August 2007 � I�m struggling ...
I know it's only been two weeks, but I can't get him out of my thoughts ...

15th August 2007 � OMG I�ve got a job interview!
For the first time in over 20 years I've got to attend an interview for a job!
Both of my current jobs I just kind of fell into - very little effort required (coz they were desperate! lol)

Now I have a job interview, in the middle of nowhere! (Well, actually it's St Neots, but that is the middle of nowhere to me!! LOL )
I'm nervous as hell already and it isn't for another three weeks yet!!

19th August 2007 - L
I don't know if you'll ever really appreciate how deeply I loved you ...

6th October 2007 � What price a dream?
October 1st, the owners of a cottage I was about to buy pulled out of the deal.
I was grief stricken when I got the news. My pretty little cottage I was looking forward to living in for the rest of my life was gone.

It's now the other end of the same week. I've been house viewing again, and found a wonderful house. It has some very redeeming features ~ nicely decorated, spacious, on the edge of a small town. 3 bedrooms. No garage, but it does have a nice big shed.
Part of me thinks 'Grab it before it gets away!' I wont have to do anything to it. Low maintenance garden. It has central heating and mains everything. But the other part of me says 'It's not what I wanted'. I intended to 'downsize', to find a little home that I can retreat to. A place with character and history. Not a bland box the same as the rest of the street. And I don't want to end up rattling round in a great big house on my own! Paying council tax on, and heating a 3 bedroom house with only me in it! A little place away from everything would suit me so much better.

Jenny loved the house. It would be better for her to be in a town, even a small town. And it was very nice. But it doesn't fit my dream.
If I go for it rather than wait and see what else comes along, and risk the possibility of finding nothing, I will loose my dream, but we will at least have a home to move to. It saddens me to think that if I go for the house, I am probably loosing my dream forever. I'll never be able to afford to move again. This is a one-off chance. But what price a dream?

2nd November 2007 � To go or not to go? .. That is the question...
November has dawned, Halloween is over and it's time to look to the month ahead.
Not much I can do about the house move, that's pretty much ticking along on it's own now.
I have the Visordown Ball to go to on the 17th ............. just got to decide what to wear!
The Erotica show is the weekend after, and I can't decide whether to go or not ... Last year I had a ticket, then didn't go. This year I could go, but having no-one to share it with makes going seem a little 'pointless'

1st January 2008 � Happy New Year!
2007 was not one of my best ... :(

But I spent New Years Eve with friends. Didn't drink because of the drive home, but still had a fun evening and started the year in good company and with a smile on my face.
Here's hoping it's a good omen, and the rest of the year will follow suit

13th January 2008 � Just thoughts ...
Someone wrote about me recently .. "I admire and wish I was more like people like Fazerdaze, she is an amazing person and an amazing take on life." I don't think I'm amazing. A little 'unusual' perhaps, but certainly not amazing!
What I do have it seems, and I don't know why, and I can't explain it; but I have a quite extraordinary ability to believe in people.
They can tell me their troubles and I can find positives in what they are describing and expand their perception and understanding of the situation. I am able to make people feel at ease with themselves, explain things in ways they can understand and relate to, and make whatever is troubling them seem easier to bear.
I read somewhere once that my star sign has a 'childlike quality' and I felt at the time that this was unjust. I am far too 'sensible' and have always been the rock that others cling to in times of distress. But now I think I see what was meant .. my ability to 'believe' is not dissimilar to a child's ability to believe .. in fairy stories, and in magic. I believe in people's ability to overcome adversity, to succeed, to find happiness .. and love. Even though a part of me knows those things will never be mine, I still feel good about helping others to achieve.
No, I'm certainly not amazing ... just a little 'weird'

8th May 2008 � Just a whinge.
Just opened my P60 and discovered I earned �15,194.70 last year ... It's no wonder I'm always flippin broke! ... Now I wish I'd paid more attention in school! My grandmother always told me 'Get a job in a bank - you can't go wrong with a nice safe job in a bank!' lol
I was young and couldn't see the wisdom in her thinking , so I've drifted through life, doing ordinary jobs that involve doing what I do best, which is looking out for others. Sometimes I wish I had some sort of a skill, or in depth knowledge about something that I could relate to a well paid job, but my life just didn't take me in that direction. I'll never have a job that will make me rich, but I'm happy enough

6th October 2009 � Two years on.
On the 6th of October 2007 I felt empty and directionless. I'd lost the man I loved and the cottage I wanted. My family was never going to be the same again after our home was sold, and I felt utterly helpless. I felt like I'd lost everything that was important to me, and there was nothing I could do to change it. I had no idea when I wrote the entry that day that one year later I would be moving in to that same cottage that I'd lost. Friends said I must have been fated to get it, and it did feel 'right' for me. Unfortunately my family didn't love it the way I did, and went their own ways ... but that is as it should be.
Another year further down the line and today is the first day of my second year here. It's been tough, but I've survived so far. I miss my kids, and I miss being a couple, and feeling part of someone's life ... I guess loneliness is the one battle I can't win on my own.

MSN My Space ~ 2005 - 2009

fazerdaze — Mon, 22 Aug 2011 00:40:04 GMT

I liked my msn My Space. I didn't use it very often, in fact months went by sometimes and I never gave it a second thought. But I liked the look of it, and it was my little bolt-hole on the www. Now it's been taken over/sold-out to something called WorldPress and it's rubbish.
A lot of the stuff I had in My Space is gone, but I've managed to salvage a few blog entries that I don't want to loose, so I'm putting them in here for safe-keeping :)

17th June 2005 - Oooh! .. Hello My Space :-)
Was mooching around and tidying up the pooter just now, and came for a look in here ... it's nice and tidy right now but I bet that wont last long.
Rock music and motorbikes are my passions
I'm told I'm a 'people person' and I value good friends and good company far above monetary trappings.

Jenny Comment
Submitted on 2005/06/27 at 1:12 pm
damn straight it won't stay tidy for long! lol - hope after our BIG clear out, it will stay clean for longer!!and I will be doing lots to avoid bordem during my well deserved { ;)}10 week summer hols ;D xxx

Emy Comment
Submitted on 2005/06/27 at 10:57 am
u don't mooch when u tidy...lol...u re-arrange.....everything!

3rd August 2005 � Holiday Report
It rained ....... LOTS!

Terrible traffic problems caused me to abandon the journey, return home with the car and swop to the bike.
Saturday was a bit damp but I ventured into the local villages for a look round and some supplies.
Went to visit KB & Cinders on Sunday, and my gear leaked so much it was still dripping on Monday!
Tuesday I braved the grey to visit an old school friend, and the rain got me again!
Wednesday was better. Drizzle cleared by lunchtime so I went up to Tintagel castle at last J Thursday and Friday were both forecast more rain & a Severe Weather Warning!! - So I packed up and left early

... Holidaying alone not recommended.

29th August 2005 � First Off-road injury.
Well, after surviving two days Motocross and a Hare n Hounds Enduro, I go and injure my hand doing a Green lane half an hour from home! But considering how many times I've ended up on my arse during those four days I reckon I'm doing okay

Sadly the injury will keep me from riding for about a week, and it meant missing a tryout at a local Trials club on Sunday, but I went along for a look anyway, and saw enough to think I'd like to give that a go .. so let's see what the future holds eh?

26th November 2005 � Love is in the air ...
He makes my world a brighter place.
He's charming and considerate, intelligent and funny, thoughtful and caring, and so, so gentle.
He makes me feel happy right through, and I never thought I'd care for someone this much again ..

5th January 2006 � New year and happy! J
New horizons.

This is my last full year in this house.
I have no idea what the future holds... where I'll go or what I'll end up doing.

I just know I've got to spend this year, de-cluttering my belongings so there's less to move! Doing a few things I've been meaning to do but never got round to - which is hard because I'm not used to 'putting myself first', whilst also keeping space for the lovely man in my life who I'm absolutely nuts about.
Will he still be in my life when I get to the other end of this preparation year? I sure hope so!!

25th January 2006 � Heart in mouth time ...
Very Very Strange!
When the due date arrived for the man in my life to undergo a fairly ordinary operation, nothing really serious or life threatening. For some strange reason I was terrified!
Then it got postponed for a week and the second time I was fine about it. No worries at all!
Admittedly I did get a bit anxious when time slipped by and I was thinking I should have heard by now, one way or the other.. but that was just normal when you care about someone.
I suppose I'll never know what caused those immense feelings of dread and fear and anxiety, the first time he went in, but I know my feelings are not often misplaced.
It's over now, and the healing process can begin ... Time to relax, and smile again

22nd February 2006 � Low spot L
Feeling a bit 'low' ....... hopefully it's just 'winter blues'

12th June 2006 � Download was just TOO Hot!!
I'd like to say 'I enjoyed Download' ... but sadly it would not be true

The weather we all complain about so much was just too hot to make the weekend truly enjoyable.

A little bit of sunburn on one shoulder and the pain from being hit by a flying bottle of lager on the other shoulder, plus the aircraft overhead all night made sleeping almost impossible!
The trek from the car park to the campsite in blistering heat was certainly Not a pleasant experience, and my feet suffered terribly from it.

The band I most wanted to see, were 45 minutes late coming on, and the sound system started playing up, making the quality of the performance ... poor.

All in all, not an experience to be repeated in a hurry.

23rd July 2006 � Contentment or failure?
No matter what hope and dreams we hold, when they seem unachievable, we settle for something less. Is this failure I wonder, or the realisation that those who can not value what they have will never find contentment in their lives?

4th July 2007 � The Big Move!
Well, the time has come! The house gets sold as part of the divorce settlement process and I have to start looking for a new home!
There's nothing I can afford round here so I'm going to have to relocate to a cheaper part of the country ~ that's going to mean new location, new house, new neighbours, new friends, new job, new everything!!!

People have been very helpful, scouring property web sites for me when they probably should have been working!
I'm trying to keep my 'sensible head' in control and have set myself some targets which must be met ... I need 2 bedrooms not three - though a guest room would be nice, it's not a necessity, and once Jen flies the nest I'll have a 'spare room' anyway. I need a garage for the bikes, and space to store the trailer, and parking outside or nearby for the car(s). .... Finding two bedroom properties with garages has proved a little harder than I would have hoped! I'd like a small garden, preferably without a hedge! And hopefully space for a small greenhouse and a few veggies

I know I'm being a little picky in wanting a proper fireplace, but I've always had one and it's just something I want!

Cottage refurbishment ~ Garden development

fazerdaze — Wed, 09 Feb 2011 20:39:37 GMT

Last year I hatched a plan to turn a rather lifeless 20 x 25 foot of back garden into something more productive. I diverted a heap of slabs that were destined for the tip and made some paths that divided the area into 4 manageable sized plots. One of which had formerly been a flower bed so was easy to edge, dig over and use straight away. The others will need turning into raised beds as it looks like the ground had been prepared with hard core for future parking area by the former residents. Designing and marking out was stage one.

Stage two was entered yesterday with the arrival of a Greenhouse! I never would have thought a Greenhouse could be packed into just two boxes! It has to be the ultimate flat-pack / Meccano challenge! I was going to just stand it by the fence but have been persuaded to dig some proper footings for it as I'm told they have been known to get blown down, and after the gales we've had the past few days I'm inclined to believe it! Greenhouse building will close stage two - time scale under consideration :)

Hindsight and Horoscopes

fazerdaze — Tue, 19 Oct 2010 11:42:40 GMT

Clearing out at the weekend I came across one of those whole year horoscope books you get free with magazines around Christmas time. This one was for 2008 so out of curiosity I looked up the date I moved in here ..
Saturday: It is through co-operation that you stand the best chance of getting things done this weekend, so you need to curb your natural tendency to hand out orders all over the place. If you allow others their head they can be of great use and can even cope with certain jobs better than you could. Nobody can be good at everything, not even you!
So with hindsight I'd like to say 'Thank you' again to the team of VD/TRCers who turned up that day to move everything they saw 176 miles north! I really couldn't have done it without you!

Sunday reads: Communication and travel are well accented. Your intuition should be greatly improved at this time and you have a great desire to seek out the wide blue yonder. If you have been considering a late holiday you could hardly choose a better time than this, though even a short break or a day away from routines would be welcome.
This was to be the first day of 50 weeks of unemployment ~ not exactly a holiday but certainly lots of application writing and travel to interviews, and a much needed break from everything that went before.

As someone who has always treated Horoscopes as a bit of fun and not to be taken too seriously, looking back from two years hence I can't help but wonder ...

:)

Dazey saves the day .. again :-)

fazerdaze — Fri, 18 Sep 2009 08:04:46 GMT

Saw my neighbour's car fly past yesterday mid-morning, so I wandered along to see if there was any washing to go out on the line, as y'do .. and found my neighbour rushing round trying to get ready for a funeral. Typical bloke - hadn't made sure everything was ready the night before ... shirt was dirty and shoes looked like they hadn't seen polish since he left school! I relieved him of offensive items and left him to hoover the car and get showered.
Half an hour later I presented him with a clean ironed shirt and shoes you could see your face in - a good morning's work :D

Life .... or death, as the case may be.

fazerdaze — Mon, 15 Jun 2009 16:46:12 GMT

Forgive this rather sombre thought, but I was waking up the other day and was stuck in that strange half way place where my mind was awake but my body hadn't quite caught up yet, and it occured to me .. if I had died, how long would it be before someone found me?

I'm unemployed so work wouldn't miss me. The jobcentre might write to tell me they'd cancelled me. The bills would get paid until the money ran out, then an overdraft would build up, but would the bank do anything? No.

My kids have lives of their own so if I didn't answer the phone they'd just think I was busy and maybe try again in a few days, if they remembered. And I got to thinking, how long would it take for anyone to be concerned enough to come and find out?

I came to the conclusion it would take four to six weeks for anyone to notice I was dead.

Interesting eh?

You know life is pretty dire when ...

fazerdaze — Fri, 22 May 2009 19:20:58 GMT

It's Friday night.

You're bored ..

..
..

and the only place you can think of to go and pass some time, is Tescos :(

Job hunting ..

fazerdaze — Mon, 27 Apr 2009 13:11:36 GMT

I'm bored with being unemployed, and thoroughly fed up! .. I need to rant ..
My CV must be okay as I'm getting fairly regular interviews, but I never get the job :(
I've tried the go as you would to work approach, I've tried the Black trousers and sensible shoes approach, I've tried the smart suit approach. Nothing works!

I swear the next time I get asked 'So tell me a bit about your life .. where you're from, what brought you to this stage in your life ..' I'm going to tell them to f*ck off and mind their own business! It's a job. If I couldn't do it, I wouldn't bloody well be there! :ranting:

Grrrrr!

Cottage Refurbishment ~ Cooker

fazerdaze — Thu, 19 Feb 2009 11:39:14 GMT

The cooker left by the previous owners, was old, electric, disgustingly dirty, and doesn't all work.

I've bought myself a nice shiney new LPG cooker, and had a guy come an measure up today for fitting it ...

You know what's coming don't you .......

Yes, I can have the cooker fitted ... but the 'regulations' which say the bottled gas must be a metre away from just about everything .. mean that in order to do so, I have to turn the back gate round so it opens the other way .. outwards instead of inwards ::)

Nothing in this place is ever straightforward! :-\

Cottage refurbishment ~

fazerdaze — Wed, 14 Jan 2009 21:19:13 GMT

(Heating) Episode One.

I got up early and set about dismantling and removing half of the fitted wardrobe from my bedroom as it was obstructing access to the loft hatch, which was going to be needed by the heating fitters.
I'd almost finished this when the guys from the heating company turned up at ten! .. Not exactly the early start I'd been expecting after they'd already put the job back a week!

After an hour the one inside hadn't even got the first storage heater off the wall, and had to go off to find B&Q.
While they were gone ... don't ask me why it takes two of them to go and get some screws, and some wood for shuttering! I went to see what the other guy had been doing outside .. he'd dug a square ready for the concrete base that the boiler will stand on. All looked well and I went off to do some gardening.

I spent the rest of the morning clearing about 20 sq ft of nettles and thistles, and digging it over, then spent the afternoon cleaning up after the inside workman.
Then I went outside to see how much the other guy had got done, and found he's put the base for the oil tank in the opposite corner to what they said in their quote :(. He gave the excuse that the ground was too soft, but I'm not convinced :(. I know it's probably not that important, but I'm just a bit disgruntled that a, it's not what I expected, and b, they didn't consult me - they just did it.

Next they ask ~ where do you want the thermostat? I suggested in the alcove by the fireplace .. as far away from the radiator as possibe. Unfortunately there is currently a built-in cupboard there .. Their response ~ 'If you can get rid of the cupboard by the morning we'll put it there' ... So tonight I'm back on demolition duty!

My back's aching, my neck's aching, and my feet ache all the way up to my knees! :-\