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Serves 2

600g chopped tinned tomato
Onion, finely chopped
Red chilli, (a medium one, not a fiery one), finely chopped
Clove of garlic, finely chopped
Handful of pitted black olives
6 tbsp olive oil
Salt

Heat a frying pan. Shallow fry the onions in the oil until soft. Add the chilli and garlic and brown the onion off. Slap the tomato in, salt to taste and simmer for a couple of minutes. Toss in the olives and warm them through.
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It's adaptified a bit, and it looks daunting. Once everything's prepped it's a piece of piss though.

A good handful of dried thin rice noodles
1 tbsp palm sugar (jaggery in Asian shops)
1 tbsp tamarind water (tamarind comes in pressed blocks of pulp and seed, get it when you buy the jaggery. You can get ready made tamarind water too)
2 tbsp fish sauce (nam pla)
small bunch of baby spring onions (should be Chinese chives, good luck with that)
2 shallots ...

Hands up if you know why this dish is called baker's potatoes?

1kg potatoes, peeled and sliced thin
2 onions sliced thin
100g streaky bacon, diced
600ml boiling stock (chicken, beef, veg - whatever)
50g butter
thyme leaves
crumbled bay leaf

Pre-heat your oven to 180C gas 4

Melt the butter in a frying pan and fry the bacon and onions until golden.

Layer the spuds, bacon, onions and herbs in a gratin dish or ...

Like all good peasant recipes, it's labour intensive. If you think it's too much work, open a Homepride cook-in-sauce. You chav

A great big cock. Or a large chicken, quartered, legs, wings, you get the idea

Litre of red wine
3 carrots, sliced
2 sticks celery, sliced
Bouquet garni (not one of those teabag things, make your own. It ain't exactly difficult, PM me if you're too embarrassed to ask here)
10 black peppercorns
150g of fatty bacon ...

Adjust as required

500 g mince
2 medium onions
2 cloves garlic
1 red chilli
1 tsp cumin
2 tsp chilli powder
2 tins chopped tomatoes
2 tins red kidney beans
half a stick of cinnamon
2 tbsp tomato puree
black pepper and salt

Chop the onions and garlic, fry in olive oil until soften. Add the cumin, chilli and chilli powder, season with salt and pepper and mix it around to coat the onions. Sling the mince in and cook ...