Good advice

We've had a young woman staying with us for the past 5 months, as she was in a difficult situation and we thought we could help her out.

We did help her by giving her a roof, but apart from that, she largely ignored our advice and in our opinion, didn't really gain a lot from the experience.

I'm ok with that, because it's her life, not mine. You can't force people to take good advice, most people are really bad at taking advice.

Which leads me to the point, what good advice, if any, have you been given that you took?

Late last year, a TRC member posted some advice for me, which for some reason stuck and I have really embraced it.

He said, quite simply: "Do it well and enjoy it".

Be a gentleman: Take the weight on your elbows and always sleep in the wet patch.

Serious answer: I never give advice on personal matters. It'll probably be unwanted or ignored and whatever the outcome, you'll get no thanks. People have to make their own decisions. I'm fairly much the same in my approach to receiving advice, except in situations like a leaking mains pipe, when I bowed down to my neighbours plumbing knowledge.

Whilst on occasions I can be guilty of the "headless chicken" activity not knowing what might happen next I have been complimented over the years by three distinctly different people of being "the most organised person they knew". So, planning has become one of my more acceptable traits, 'cos I know I can do it. As told by one friend 'if you're going to open your mouth make sure you don't put both feet in it".

We helped a young lass out about 4 years ago. She was from down Ramsgate way and the daughter of someone my wife once knew. We invited her up to stay and start a new life. She lived with us for about a year and moved on once she got sorted. She is in the local area still but has done nothing but spread lies and utter discusting bullshit about how she was treated. Only as my wife started to ask for more dig money when she started to work full time. FFS, £20 a week for a room with your own sky and internet, free meals and washing done. Little fucker. Never again.

Originally Posted by 1888

We helped a young lass out about 4 years ago. She was from down Ramsgate way and the daughter of someone my wife once knew. We invited her up to stay and start a new life. She lived with us for about a year and moved on once she got sorted. She is in the local area still but has done nothing but spread lies and utter discusting bullshit about how she was treated. Only as my wife started to ask for more dig money when she started to work full time. FFS, £20 a week for a room with your own sky and internet, free meals and washing done. Little fucker. Never again.

It must have been the "extras".

Originally Posted by Bloo

It must have been the "extras".

Might have been the lack of. She batted for the other side so i blame the wife for not humping her.

I long since learned you'll never be thanked for advice you give, however good it may be. Sometimes people just want to hear what they want to hear.

And while charity may begin at home I'd have to be feling very charitable to let a charity case into my home (though I'd make an exception for a relly).

I'm one of those individuals that's very good at giving advice and very bad at taking it. My advice is usually of the really cheesy poetic sort that sounds much deeper than it really is.

The piece of advice I always remember came from a guy I didn't particularly get on with at my old job, who said "don't ever sell your soul for the golden coin." Advice I always keep at the back of my mind when an opportunity arises which will require more work and stress for the promise of financial gain.

I seem to have forgotten it. Last year I was lured into a stressy new job by the rather tempting carrot of a promised payrise (which I now doubt I'll get), and I'm not sure the resultant standard of life is actually worth it, since I no longer look forward to getting into work every day, and the stress is having a knock-on at home too.

"Violence begets violence" was also a good one, from another biker forum, which has really helped me to understand how people work. When I was younger, if I felt I was being done some injustice my reaction was to get angry and give the perpetrator a good telling off, bolstered with bad language and threats of violence. I mean, if I was the one being persecuted, how could I possibly be in the wrong..? And how could they do anything other than back down immediately and apologise, once they realised just how angry they'd made me and how badly they'd behaved..? I guess when I was growing up I never considered that they might actually be better at name-calling and intimidation than I was.

Understanding the mantra above has helped me learn how to deal with muppets and idiots without it descending into tit-for-tat slanging matches and macho hoisting of sleeves.

The best advice is to listen to what they have to say, thank them for their wise counsel, then go away with what you thought in the first place.

Everybody is then happy for ever after.

Originally Posted by God

most people are really bad at taking advice.

Steve Tyler: "listen to what your lawyers tell you because that's why you pay them so much fucking money."

And within that lies evaluating the authority of such advice, what it's worth, the idea of actually listening to it, a touching naivety of the inscrutability of music biz legal types, & why drugs aren't so good for you.

The tricky bit is, as ever, working out what is good advice & what's just someone else's story being touted as such (the 'funky' evaluation model).

I listen & watch a a lot, hopefully with an enquiring mind, try not to waste time by asking stupid questions that I could & should been able to work out for myself. That said there's frequently a lot to be gained by looking at something from various perspectives.

Originally Posted by Mad Ax

"Violence begets violence" was also a good one, from another biker forum, which has really helped me to understand how people work. When I was younger, if I felt I was being done some injustice my reaction was to get angry and give the perpetrator a good telling off, bolstered with bad language and threats of violence. I mean, if I was the one being persecuted, how could I possibly be in the wrong..? And how could they do anything other than back down immediately and apologise, once they realised just how angry they'd made me and how badly they'd behaved..? I guess when I was growing up I never considered that they might actually be better at name-calling and intimidation than I was.

Understanding the mantra above has helped me learn how to deal with muppets and idiots without it descending into tit-for-tat slanging matches and macho hoisting of sleeves.

Basically had something happen to me last year that turned my world upside down and lost a job i love due to it. I then got offered an olive branch to come back if i could resolve and deal with said issue or cause of it.

This led to some deep self searching and counselling and a rather large lightbulb moment of reflection to the root cause of a number of "things" that appear to "happen" to me. Since then i keep a number of things floating round my nugget that do actually give me time to contemplate the next action i take and the result that i am expecting.

So it's more than one peice of advise, it's a way of thinking i guess. Me getting angry and ruining my day because a dickhead is rude to me or i perceive some kind of injustice done to me will achieve nothing and only i will lose to it. A dickhead will always be a dickhead, they will go home a dickhead, marry a dickhead wife, have dickhead children and breed further dickheads as they can not help being a dickhead it is in their DNA. I on the other hand can choose whether i get angry, whether i react and whether i ruin my day for the sake of dealing with a rude inconsiderate dickhead who probably is unaware of how much of a dickhead they are because like most things dickheads attract other dickheads and are concerned only with themselves and trying to look big infront of like minded dickheads.

Letting go of that angry way of thnking has been quite nice for me tbh

A line I read somewhere: "if you've got time to think about it, you've got time to do it".

Always remove you socks before your jeans when undressing in front of a lady.
Removing jeans first and standing there in just your socks is an image you don't want them to see, it spoils the moment.

Originally Posted by X81

Me getting angry and ruining my day because a dickhead is rude to me or i perceive some kind of injustice done to me will achieve nothing and only i will lose to it. A dickhead will always be a dickhead, they will go home a dickhead, marry a dickhead wife, have dickhead children and breed further dickheads as they can not help being a dickhead it is in their DNA. I on the other hand can choose whether i get angry, whether i react and whether i ruin my day for the sake of dealing with a rude inconsiderate dickhead who probably is unaware of how much of a dickhead they are because like most things dickheads attract other dickheads and are concerned only with themselves and trying to look big infront of like minded dickheads.

Letting go of that angry way of thnking has been quite nice for me tbh

I find what helps me is backing off and viewing it from the outside. There are and always will be dickheads, but sometimes there are just differences of opinion. The dickhead in question may be me, eight years ago. I can choose not to get angry and let him get on with it and hope that at some point he learns a different way of life, or I can interject a couple of calm points and hope that, in a moment's quiet reflection, he makes the same connection I did and loses his angry way of thinking.

Far easier said than done, of course.

Originally Posted by demographic

Always remove you socks before your jeans when undressing in front of a lady.
Removing jeans first and standing there in just your socks is an image you don't want them to see, it spoils the moment.

Funny you should say that. This is what i was always told and last night watching that boxing film that was on the guy get out of bed in the morning after bedding is woman and he has his socks on. Made me think of that statement.

Carry on.