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adamski

Itís time.

Rating: 2 votes, 5.00 average.
I went to visit Visordown yesterday, this was the forum most of the people on TRC were using when we first met.
I was saddened to discover that it no longer exists.
When I joined that forum, Facebook was still asking which college you were at ( it was an online meeting place for students), everyone had a hotmail.com email address, and Amazon was, to most people, how you described a large but attractive woman, or a rain forest.

I feel I know why the formal forum environment is becoming rarer by the day, itís down to good, old fashioned manners.

Let me explain my theory.

On VD I met some really great people, some of them, many of them, came over to TRC, but a couple didnít, and I was looking for them again, there were things I wanted to say chapters that needed finishing, now it looks as though some conversations will be hanging forever, some questions will never be properly answered.

It felt very strange to me, that people who I had seemingly shared so much with, had just disappeared from my life, and now I would probably never chat, laugh, or cry, with them again.
I know this is the way life often is now. We can block, or be blocked for the slightest sleight. Sadly it seems that the average Joe is suddenly full of hatred,it wasnít always the case, and regular meet ups, in small, or large groups were quite the norm, through these meets, the online and offline worlds became as real as each other...for many, if not all of us.

indeed some very real friendships were formed between people who had never met face to face
I went to visit Visordown yesterday, this was the forum most of the people on TRC were using when we first met.
I was saddened to discover that it no longer exists.
When I joined that forum, Facebook was still asking which college you were at ( it was an online meeting place for students), everyone had a hotmail.com email address, and Amazon was, to most people, how you described a large but attractive woman, or a rain forest.

I feel I know why the formal forum environment is becoming rarer by the day, itís down to good, old fashioned manners.

Let me explain my theory.

On VD I met some really great people, some of them, many of them, came over to TRC, but a couple didnít, and I was looking for them again, there were things I wanted to say chapters that needed finishing, now it looks as though some conversations will be hanging forever, some questions will never be properly answered.

It felt very strange to me, that people who I had seemingly shared so much with, had just disappeared from my life, and now I would probably never chat, laugh, or cry, with them again.
I know this is the way life often is now. We can block, or be blocked for the slightest sleight. Sadly it seems that the community we built by regular meetings in person, as well chatting rubbish on line.

For me, the real bonds on VD were formed after the first Memorial Meet, this was set up after we lost a couple of regular posters. It was particularly poignant for me, as one of the chaps, who I had never met, had become a real friend to me, I shared a huge chunk of my online life with him, and the loss of him was as real as the death of one of my biking buddies from the pub.
We have lost quite a few members since then, some of whom have affected me greatly, some less so, as I didnít know them well, but they all left a mark on me in their passing and when they were here.

I remember instances when online irritations or threats crossed into the real world, both in fisticuffs and legal actions.
It was only a ďfewĒ years ago, but people cared who they hurt, or when they were cheated or maligned they took it up with the offender in person.

This generally meant that people behaved, they had a laugh but usually knew when lines had been crossed...or even were close to being crossed ...apart from Stig (I still sometimes miss him and our laughs) and perhaps, probably, at times, me.
But I learned, in fact my interactions online became very real and hugely important to me, so much so, that my divorce from my first wife was directly triggered by her reading an online conversation I was having on VD!

Now this accountability seems to have evaporated, and everyone feels empowered to be as vicious and malignant as they wish. Providing that it doesnít break the law, say it!
There is no need to consider the other person...because it isnít the ďreal worldĒ.

I donít know about the rest of the posters on TRC, but in the real world, I am very prone to not allowing other people to offend me in this strange (I believe it is called passive aggressive) manner that they have.
I am not great at knowing when this is humour, casual belittling, or some strange way of attempting to verbally abuse me, so for the last year or so I have been openly and vigorously pulling them up on it.

I have found that most people bluster and panic, claiming that they ďmeant nothing by itĒ and by and large they either, avoid me for ever more, or apologise and donít do it again. Either of these actions are fine with me, I like to know where I standwith people, my world is quite binary!
Only one person has taken the opportunity to start posturing and becoming aggressive, this resulted in all of his friends laughing at him and him adopting choice one, and hopefully never speaking to me again.

Over the last few years openly despising people online, attacking their views, intellectual ability, even their physical appearance, has become more and more acceptable in some sectors of the online communities.

I have never shied from a debate, as a fairly robust supporter of the Labour Party, an active member of the practicing Christian community, and a remain voter living in the epicentre of the leavequake, who has recently become classified as disabled I have been on more heated conversations face to face than (I believe) most people will have.

When the people I have been chatting with have become ďoverly agitatedĒ, I have always found that pointing out the futility of swearing or threatening me has diffused the situation quickly and effectively.

Online this is often no longer the case, this behaviour has resulted in the sometimes slow, sometimes rapid, death of the online communities infested with this behaviour.
I recently took quite a long break from TRC because of this behaviour, and during that time I joined another site, which I will not be sharing the name of, as I would like it to remain the haven that it is for me, and the many hundreds of other active users.

How does a site like this existing post Brexit Britain? I hear you ask, itís very simple.
The members are open, honest, and fear no ridicule or attack for bearing their deepest belief or thoughts.
If anyone oversteps the mark, they are given the opportunity to apologise, which most do, or they go on a months break, if they do it again they are gone.
it is wonderful!

It is with great sadness that I am taking another break from posting on TRC, it really does feel like losing another part of my life.

I will have my messages if you need something, or you are welcome to join me on Facebook, but I donít take any abusive behaviour and have now got quite a blocked listí

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Comments

  1. Noggin's Avatar
    I'm sad that you are leaving if only for a while, but I mostly agree with what you have written. I have struggled with both forums and FB due to this issue. I've had people I thought of as friends for around 15 - 20 years call me names and belittle me because I have a different view to them

    I now only read a handful of threads on here as a lot are too 'vitriolic' for me. And being a larger female, a lot of post can be quite offensive, but I try to ignore those!!

    Biggest hugs to you

    Hope to catch up sometime xxx
  2. maccecht's Avatar
    Never met you in person chap but you have my respect and I agree with much of your blog. Sadly the internet has been weaponised as a means of hurting people. I just roll with it but many a life has been lost due to the power exerted by trolls. Dont be gone long. Best regards Maccecht
  3. John B's Avatar
    Best of luck.

    If the people like you who are mostly polite all leave, then the chances of the rest of us continuing to more or less stay friendly are lower. Although I am a recent member, don't yet know the members face to face, don't own a bike (though I've had a few over the years), and actually dropped out of the conversation while I did have a bike, I value this place. It is a pity to see you go.

    I rarely post in the political threads. Although Brexit could affect me personally, so I have strong views for selfish reasons, nothing is gained by abusing those who disagree. I close my eyes to the threads which get nasty. The other tensions which have gone on, outside the Brexit arguments, I don't really know much about it, and am only vaguely aware of it. That way it is easy to enjoy the good stuff and not worry about the tensions.

    It has been good to have you around, and will be nice if you are around in future.
  4. KorkyKat's Avatar
    .
    Updated 22-04-20 at 03:30 by KorkyKat
  5. Makman's Avatar
    Shalom Adam. I am saddened, but understand fully what you say and why. May you find the road less wearying, the joys of life and love secure in your faith and the peace that passes all understanding be your everlasting comfort. May the Lord bless you and keep you in peace, the light of his countenance shine upon you and the grace of his love sustain you. Amen.
  6. GiantPygmy's Avatar
    Understand completely.
    Those that cause all this will kill TRC eventually, then blame someone else for its demise.
    See you on FB
  7. Big Pete's Avatar
    Shame you feel the need to leave, I hope life works out for you, and that your health improves.
  8. Editor's Avatar
    as was commented on quite recently, I too have taken something of a sabbatical from here. Not for the same reasons, as I CBA with trigger threads. Having like you been in with this lot since nigh on the beegiining of VD & certainly the TRC, one knows what the triggers are.

    I think you're right, & it's everywhere. There's a super virtual chum who is vulnerable & sensitive I had on FB, our connection oddly enough being one of us on TRC, but mainly basset hounds, about which I know a little something. Anyhow she was going to pick a new puppy up a few weeks ago, it had a health issue & I know if something happened to it she might well do something drastic & permananet over it. So I said my piece, & fuck me did I get it back in the arse from her friends & even herself. At this point, well I didn't quite lose it-I just simply said, 'fine, I'm only number 2 or 3 at this in the entire UK, but you must follow your own from now on in. Bye & best of.'

    Pmd her out of politeness & closure, & then shut all the doors. So if some peope are doing something like this on here, sure I understand it.

    Anyhow you know I think the world of you & yours. Take care, you know where I am. Try a bit of 'mindfulness', actually if you can get to Worksop ish I'll personally recc you to the amazing lady who introduced me to it.

    As Ever

    PI
  9. Tomcat's Avatar
    Couldn't agree more Adamski. This used to be my second home and these days I can't really be bothered with it. I'm not averse to the odd political thread but when it's just used as a means to start a fight forget it. Trolling, abuse and pile-ons are the order of the day in here and it's always the same names. I've blocked some, others will be if they don't grow some manners, and frankly I'm not about to pay money to be on a forum that does that and seems determined to discourage new members. Even FB, which at least makes some token effort to force people to use real names rather than hide behind aliases, isn't immune from the fuckwittery, but I do find there are fewer I've had to block, and that's only because they're happy to be fuckwits under their own names. No loss.
  10. melons's Avatar
    To me you are a TRC Celebrity, I ALWAYS sought out your posts and always enjoyed reading them. I wish you and your loved ones the best and will miss your posts greatly. You leaving is a sad day for me too

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