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These Three Kings

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It’s said that a woman will subconsciously fall in love with a man who reminds her of her Father.
My Mother fell for the “Porsche driving, fast talking, wheeling dealing, jack the lad”.
It didn’t last, doomed from the start. Do the ‘experts’ we’re naive enough to fall for this piffle.
That’s where I’ve been going wrong Doctor; I’ve been looking for respectable men with jobs, feelings and sense. I shall go and find myself a Peruvian coke dealer with a Bentley and a villa in Biarritz forthwith.

So, where do we modern day spinsters begin negotiating this vast landfill of potential beaus? Well:
Said prospective beau falls into one of three categories for me. Cranium, Chablis or Campbell’s.

The Cranium Boys.
Ladies; Our nemesis.
It’s vital you suss this slippery sucker out and treat immediately before he takes hold. Like woodworm.
A Cranium Boy will try every trick in the book to mess with your mind. The tell tale signs are easy to spot if you know.
He wants you to be jealous, he wants you to be over emotional but will then call you possessive, he’s done it with everyone he’s ever been with and he always will. He doesn’t make women fall in love with him, he snares them, and creates a jealous obsession.
Typical Traits: The Ex is ALWAYS a problem and he mentions her endlessly on the first date. Strippers lap dancers, ‘what him and the lads get up to on a night out’ blah blah blah…….his gorgeous blonde female best mate who all his girlfriends have always had issue with.
Ladies, step away from the date.

The Chablis Boys.
So called because they’re better knicker droppers than wine. There’s no conscious or rational sense with these men. More often than not the attraction couldn’t make less reasonable sense. They may be much older, unavailable, or conventionally unattractive but the primal animal urge to ravage them and walk away after leaving them a twitching, barely conscious, jibbering wreck is almost too much to bear. Fun stuff and not to be taken seriously, lust is a powerful emotion.

The Campbell’s Boys
Named after the phrase ‘Chicken Soup for the Soul’.
These come along relatively rarely and are the ones whose memory remains the longest. The ones who you meet and within an instant they have gained access into your soul. They’re the ones you could just sit and listen to, the ones you long to see again and sexual urges aside, the ones who, when you’re alone in bed at night you long for them there, just to hold you in their arms. You’re tired but you can’t sleep, you need that protection that feeling of pure contentment.
The butterflies and the unexplainable feeling of fondness you get for a Campbell’s boy, possibly even before you meet is a strange warm feeling.
Few and far between, Campbell’s boys, whether just as friends or lovers are the ones worth backing in a race.

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  1. Lily's Avatar
    so very true.. i live with a cranium and dream of a chablis
  2. 's Avatar
    But, when you're seen as a Chablis, but are really, deep down, a Campbells boy, life can be difficult.

    Sure, there's the sex. Lots of it. But, a serious lack of chit-chat, and well, any sort of conversation, all swapped for clothesrippinglyteethgrittinglysweatyanimaltastic shag fest, it can get a little, well, empty!

    One would long for a nice meal, which eventually got through 3 or 4 courses, instead of going straight to desert after 2 minutes of walking into the restaurant.

    Thank fuck I ain't like that though, he sounds like a right pansy.
  3. Fallen Angel's Avatar
    Definately dated all three, - thankfully appear to know rather a few Campbells and have one of them at home

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