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Thread: Your Best Text Jokes

  1. #16
    Should Get Out More jabbo's Avatar
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    Default Re: Your Best Text Jokes

    a man and his wife are driving along in the car when they notice a skunk lying in the gutter...

    they stop the car and pick it up...

    wife: "look its shivering it must be cold"

    Man: "put it between your legs to keep it warm"

    Wife: "what about the smell?"

    Man: "hold its nose"

  2. #17
    Should Get Out More Yorick's Avatar
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    Default Re: Your Best Text Jokes

    What do you call an Indian lesbian ?

    Mingita

  3. #18
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    Default Re: Your Best Text Jokes

    After the recent events in Mumbai.

    Bradford..m&^$"!s are taking to the streets shooting anyone

    With a British passport.

    Police fear the death toll could rise to 10......


    Edited so as not to offend Muslims....


    Fuck me that murder mystery weekend in Mumbai was a bit ott.....

  4. #19
    Should Get Out More go_slow's Avatar
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    Default Re: Your Best Text Jokes

    Two jehovahs witnesses came round last night and gave me an advent calendar. When I opened the little door this morning there were two more there.

  5. #20
    Really Bored Harry Monk's Avatar
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    Default Re: Your Best Text Jokes

    madonna has always claimed she wanted to be more british
    .
    .
    .
    .well now shes a single mum with 3 kids by different fathers and one of them is black.
    .
    .
    .
    .
    Job done Id say

  6. #21
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    Default Re: Your Best Text Jokes

    A scouser asked the council

    can I have a skip outside my house....

    Bloke from the council says

    You can do cartwheels round the block for all I care....

  7. The following user liked this post made by Captain Scarlet:


  8. #22
    Should Get Out More dickymint's Avatar
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    Default Re: Your Best Text Jokes

    A blonde takes her broken car to the mechanic.....

    "Nothing serious love, just crap in the air filter." says the mechanic.

    "Brilliant" she replies.... "How often do I have to do that?"

  9. #23
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    Default Re: Your Best Text Jokes

    Just for Rolfe...

    There was three men went into a pub

    A catholic priest

    A celtic supporter

    And a child molester

    And that was just the first one.......BJK

  10. #24
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    Default Re: Your Best Text Jokes

    ..... ....... ... .... .....
    .. ... .. . ... .. . .. ..
    ..... ....

    Merry Christmas from Stevie Wonder...

  11. #25
    Should Get Out More Tomcat's Avatar
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    Default Re: Your Best Text Jokes

    My girlfriend is always complaining I never take her anywhere different, so last night I did.






























    I don't think Up the arse was what she meant though

  12. #26
    Not Much To Do nik_the_brief's Avatar
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    Default Re: Your Best Text Jokes

    Metropolitan Police have finally admitted their mistake in shooting Jean Charles de Menez...

    Apparently they were after his naughty younger brother, Dennis.

  13. #27
    Really Bored Discharge's Avatar
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    Default Re: Your Best Text Jokes

    3 stages in the life of the cock

    20s - it's like and oak tree, mighty and rock hard
    30s and 40s - it's like a birch tree - flexible and reliable
    50s and 60s - it's like a xmas tree - dead from the root up, with balls that are purely for decoration


  14. #28
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    Default Re: Your Best Text Jokes

    What do you a call a scouser with a santa suit on....nothing..

    He's still a scouser.......dont let the santa suit fool you..

  15. #29
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    Default Re: Your Best Text Jokes

    A scouser was in court accused of having sex with a cat...The judge dismissing the charges stated that it was a ridiculous accusation......


    A scouser has never been know to put anything into a kitty.....

  16. #30
    Should Get Out More wheelnut's Avatar
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    Default Re: Your Best Text Jokes

    With the recent problems at M&S, Poundstretchers have initiated a takeover.

    The rebranded shops will be called Stretch Marks.

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