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Thread: Your Best Text Jokes

  1. #1561
    Should Get Out More Jody's Avatar
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    Default Re: Your Best Text Jokes

    Why is it always dark in the Apple store?

    They don't have windows

  2. #1562
    Should Get Out More Yorick's Avatar
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    Default Re: Your Best Text Jokes

    I hate geeky IT humour shirts, but just saw this one which did give me a slight smirk

    $> cd /pub
    $> more beer.


    I feel dirty that I knew what it meant

  3. #1563
    Should Get Out More gremlin's Avatar
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    Default Re: Your Best Text Jokes

    Bloke's been found guilty of not using commas when writing.

    Judge has told him to expect a long sentence.

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  5. #1564
    Should Get Out More Yorick's Avatar
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    Default Re: Your Best Text Jokes

    Quote Originally Posted by gremlin View Post
    Bloke's been found guilty of not using commas when writing.

    Judge has told him to expect a long sentence.
    Stop that. Right now.

  6. #1565
    Should Get Out More Ant's Avatar
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    Default Re: Your Best Text Jokes

    Quote Originally Posted by ink ink View Post
    These are not short texts!
    Or funny.

  7. #1566
    Should Get Out More Ant's Avatar
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    Default Re: Your Best Text Jokes

    What does a clitoris a birthday an anniversary and a toilet all have in common? Most men miss all four!

  8. #1567
    Should Get Out More The Martian's Avatar
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    Default Re: Your Best Text Jokes

    Quote Originally Posted by Ant View Post
    Or funny.
    Quote Originally Posted by Ant View Post
    What does a clitoris a birthday an anniversary and a toilet all have in common? Most men miss all four!
    Hmm...

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  10. #1568
    Should Get Out More Ant's Avatar
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    Default Re: Your Best Text Jokes

    Quote Originally Posted by The Martian View Post
    Hmm...
    More than four?


  11. #1569
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    Default Re: Your Best Text Jokes

    I think green is my new favourite colour.

    I like it more than blue and yellow combined.

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  13. #1570
    Should Get Out More gremlin's Avatar
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    Default Re: Your Best Text Jokes

    Never have sex with a retarded dwarf.

    It's not fucking big and it's not fucking clever.

  14. #1571
    Should Get Out More gremlin's Avatar
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    Default Re: Your Best Text Jokes

    What do you get if you cross a pirate with a paedophile?

    Arrrrgh....Kelly.

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  16. #1572
    Should Get Out More Derek Badger's Avatar
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    Default Re: Your Best Text Jokes

    Quote Originally Posted by gremlin View Post
    What do you get if you cross a pirate with a paedophile?

    Arrrrgh....Kelly.
    Genuine lolz

  17. #1573
    Should Get Out More Yorick's Avatar
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    Default Re: Your Best Text Jokes

    Paddy was on his death bed and knew the end was near.

    His nurse, his wife, his daughter and 2 sons are with him at his home in Belfast .

    He asks for 2 independent witnesses to be present and a camcorder be in place to record his last wishes.



    When all is ready he begins to speak:

    "My son Seamus, I want you to take the houses in Cultra."

    "My daughter Geraldine , you take the apartments over in Malone Road."

    "My son Patrick Junior, I want you to take the offices in the City centre."

    "Bridget, my dear wife, please take all the residential properties on the Upper Lisburn Road ."



    The nurse and witnesses are blown away. They did not realize the extent of Paddy's wealth. As he slips away, the nurse says to his wife, "Mrs. O'Shaughnessy, my deepest condolences. Your husband must have been such a hard-working and wonderful man to have accumulated all this property"..



    "Property?”, his wife replies. “The ****** had a window cleaning round."

  18. #1574
    Should Get Out More Yorick's Avatar
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    Default Re: Your Best Text Jokes

    This is a very special year in history
    It's 50 years since Rolf Harris did 2 little boys

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  20. #1575
    Should Get Out More chillitt's Avatar
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    Default Re: Your Best Text Jokes

    Monday - Greg
    Tuesday - Ian
    Wednesday - Greg
    Thursday - Ian
    Friday - Greg
    Saturday - Ian
    Sunday - Greg

    The Gregorian calendar

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