Page 131 of 131 FirstFirst ... 3181121129130131
Results 1,951 to 1,958 of 1958

Thread: Your Best Text Jokes

  1. #1951
    Should Get Out More gremlin's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Location
    Eating the last biscuit with the Daily Mail reader.
    Posts
    17,371
    Like
    623
    Liked 5,302 in 2,656 posts

    Default Re: Your Best Text Jokes

    I saw a midget climbing down the prison wall on a rope made of sheets the other day. He gave me a really patronising look before running away.

    I thought to myself, 'Well, that's a little con descending'

  2. The following user liked this post made by gremlin:


  3. #1952
    Should Get Out More Taipan's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Location
    Boerthal's hill
    Posts
    49,524
    Like
    18,394
    Liked 11,583 in 6,029 posts

    Default Re: Your Best Text Jokes

    While riding my Harley, I swerved to avoid hitting a deer, lost control and landed in a ditch, severely banging my head.
    Dazed and confused I crawled out of the ditch to the edge of the road when a shiny new convertible pulled up with a very beautiful woman who asked, "Are you okay?
    As I looked up, I noticed she was wearing a low-cut blouse with a cleavage to die for.
    "I'm okay I think." I replied as I pulled myself up to the side of the car to get a closer look.

    She said, "Get in and I'll take you home, so I can clean and bandage that nasty scrape on your head."
    "That's nice of you," I answered, "But I don't think my wife will like me doing that!"
    "Oh, come now, I'm a nurse," she insisted. "I need to see if you have any more scrapes and then treat them properly."
    Well, she was really pretty and very persuasive. Being sort of shaken and weak, I agreed, but repeated, "I'm sure my wife won't like this."
    We arrived at her place which was just few miles away and, after a couple of cold beers and the bandaging, I thanked her and said, "I feel a lot better, but I know my wife is going to be really upset so I'd better go now."
    Don't be silly!" she said with a smile. "Stay for a while. She won't know anything. By the way, where is she?"
    "My guess is that she's still in the ditch."

  4. The following user liked this post made by Taipan:


  5. #1953
    Should Get Out More slowsider's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Location
    RoI
    Posts
    10,814
    Like
    569
    Liked 3,004 in 1,970 posts

    Default Re: Your Best Text Jokes

    If sex with three people is called a threesome, and sex with two people is called a twosome, I know why everyone calls you handsome.

  6. The following 2 users liked this useful post by slowsider:


  7. #1954
    Should Get Out More Yorick's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Lanzarote
    Posts
    41,684
    Like
    7,247
    Liked 6,828 in 4,251 posts
    Blog Entries
    6

    Default Re: Your Best Text Jokes

    Telling jokes in the pub one night, I did the 'what do you do if you see an epileptic in the bath, chuck your washing in joke, and this guy came over and said"i take offence to this joke. I had an epileptic brother who died in the bath'
    I said "sorry mate, did he drown?"
    He said " no, he choked on a sock"

  8. The following user liked this post made by Yorick:


  9. #1955
    Should Get Out More Taipan's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Location
    Boerthal's hill
    Posts
    49,524
    Like
    18,394
    Liked 11,583 in 6,029 posts

    Default Re: Your Best Text Jokes

    Those Space X lads ain't back for a while. Plenty of time for everyone to buy a Gorilla outfit and learn to ride a horse!

  10. The following 2 users liked this useful post by Taipan:


  11. #1956
    Should Get Out More KungFooBob's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2012
    Location
    The Forest Moon of Endor
    Posts
    18,328
    Like
    458
    Liked 8,442 in 4,763 posts

    Default Re: Your Best Text Jokes

    The Government in Egypt has asked the city's taxi drivers to drive around Cairo sounding their car horns.

    It is hoped that the familiar sounds of the city will induce a return to tranquillity and normality following the recent pandemic.

    Operation Toot 'n Calm 'Em will last for the rest of the week

  12. The following 2 users liked this useful post by KungFooBob:


  13. #1957
    Should Get Out More Tomcat's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Location
    Where I want to be.
    Posts
    33,965
    Like
    1,896
    Liked 2,561 in 1,329 posts

    Default Re: Your Best Text Jokes

    Quote Originally Posted by Taipan View Post
    Those Space X lads ain't back for a while.
    I think they should be congratulated for successfully leaving the Earth.

    Good choice.

  14. The following user liked this post made by Tomcat:


  15. #1958
    Should Get Out More protoborg's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Doing an Andrew Mitchell
    Posts
    22,249
    Like
    534
    Liked 810 in 527 posts
    Blog Entries
    1

    Default Re: Your Best Text Jokes

    I found out today why Trump has such a rediculous combover.
    It hides the lobotomy scar.

Go Back to Forum My Forum

TRC Affiliates - Help TRC make a small amount of commission