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Thread: Your Best Text Jokes

  1. #1471
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    Default Re: Your Best Text Jokes

    My mate just became a proud Dad.

    His boy is four but he said he couldn't even kick a ball properly until recently.

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    Default Re: Your Best Text Jokes

    Quote Originally Posted by The Martian View Post
    My mate just became a proud Dad.

    His boy is four but he said he couldn't even kick a ball properly until recently.
    Did you miss the punchline ?

  3. #1473
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    Default Re: Your Best Text Jokes

    Quote Originally Posted by Yorick View Post
    Did you miss the punchline ?
    No.

    Did you hear a whoosh?

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    Default Re: Your Best Text Jokes

    Quote Originally Posted by The Martian View Post
    No.

    Did you hear a whoosh?
    Whisper it in me lug 'ole ?

  5. #1475
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    Default Re: Your Best Text Jokes

    Quote Originally Posted by Yorick View Post
    Whisper it in me lug 'ole ?
    First line insinuates that he is a new father, then you (well, not you ) see that he's not a new father, he's only recently become proud of the kid now it's able to do some stuff..

    Is it the way I tell' em?

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    Default Re: Your Best Text Jokes

    I was devastated to find out my wife was having an affair but, by turning to religion, I was soon able to come to terms with the whole thing.
    I converted to Islam, and we're
    stoning her in the morning!



    The wife suggested I get myself one of those penis enlargers, so I did ...
    she's 21 and her name's Lucy.

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  9. #1477
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    Default Re: Your Best Text Jokes

    Q: What's a geriatric?

    A: A German footballer scoring three goals.

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    Default Re: Your Best Text Jokes

    Quote Originally Posted by 1888 View Post
    Q: What's a geriatric?

    A: A German footballer scoring three goals.
    1972 etc.....

  11. #1479
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    Default Re: Your Best Text Jokes

    Quote Originally Posted by Yorick View Post
    1972 etc.....
    Ha, ha your probably correct at that year as it was a Bob Monkhouse joke.

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    Default Re: Your Best Text Jokes

    Bloke went for a labouring job on a building site.

    Can you make tea? Asks the foreman.

    Yes.

    And can you drive a forklift truck?

    Fuck, how big is the tea pot?

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    Default Re: Your Best Text Jokes

    Interviewer asked me about my talents, I said I perform under pressure and he asked for an example, so I went

    "den den den didi den den, den den den didi den den"

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    Default Re: Your Best Text Jokes

    Quote Originally Posted by The Martian View Post
    Interviewer asked me about my talents, I said I perform under pressure and he asked for an example, so I went

    "den den den didi den den, den den den didi den den"
    ??

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    Default Re: Your Best Text Jokes

    Quote Originally Posted by Yorick View Post
    ??
    Dum dum dum dada dum dum.

  17. #1484
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    Default Re: Your Best Text Jokes

    Quote Originally Posted by The Martian View Post
    Interviewer asked me about my talents, I said I perform under pressure and he asked for an example, so I went

    "den den den didi den den, den den den didi den den"
    That's the Vanilla Ice cover, you idiot!

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  19. #1485
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    Red face Re: Your Best Text Jokes

    Quote Originally Posted by TheEnglishman View Post
    That's the Vanilla Ice cover, you idiot!

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