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Thread: Your Best Text Jokes

  1. #1621
    Should Get Out More go_slow's Avatar
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    Default Re: Your Best Text Jokes

    When I was young, my father emphasized every day how important it was to wear a condom if I ever had sex.

    He said, “Any person willing to have sex with you will sleep with almost anyone else.”

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  3. #1622
    Should Get Out More The Martian's Avatar
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    Default Re: Your Best Text Jokes

    Do you know anyone who wants a load of dead batteries?

    Free of charge!

  4. #1623
    Should Get Out More The Martian's Avatar
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    Default Re: Your Best Text Jokes

    Just got 20 Richmonds from the corner shop for a group of young lads who begged me to get them, handed them over and got a load of abuse for my trouble!

    Cheeky twats can get their own sausages in future.

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  6. #1624
    Should Get Out More Taipan's Avatar
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    Default Re: Your Best Text Jokes


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  8. #1625
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    Default Re: Your Best Text Jokes

    The other half just asked me "what do you love more, me or football?"
    "Open your legs and I'll show you" I replied...
    And then nutmegged her

  9. #1626
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    Default Re: Your Best Text Jokes

    Quote Originally Posted by The Martian View Post
    The other half just asked me "what do you love more, me or football?"
    "Open your legs and I'll show you" I replied...
    And then nutmegged her
    Hilarious!

  10. #1627
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    Default Re: Your Best Text Jokes

    Quote Originally Posted by hangloose View Post
    Hilarious!
    Only a few more to go!

  11. #1628
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    Default Re: Your Best Text Jokes

    Hot tip for the Grand National this year is Dusty rug.

    Apparently it's never been beaten.

  12. #1629
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    Default Re: Your Best Text Jokes

    I've lost my job as a dermatologist.

    Have to wait for my E45 now.

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  14. #1630
    Should Get Out More Taipan's Avatar
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    Default Re: Your Best Text Jokes


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  16. #1631
    Should Get Out More KungFooBob's Avatar
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    Default Re: Your Best Text Jokes

    Just been on Trip Advisor...

    They recommended LSD and Magic Mushrooms.

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  18. #1632
    Should Get Out More The Martian's Avatar
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    Default Re: Your Best Text Jokes

    The Sun is amazing, without it none of us would exist, but I just read the review and it's only one star?

  19. #1633
    Should Get Out More Yorick's Avatar
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    Default Re: Your Best Text Jokes

    Quote Originally Posted by The Martian View Post
    The Sun is amazing, without it none of us would exist, but I just read the review and it's only one star?


    OR


  20. #1634
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    Default Re: Your Best Text Jokes

    Need advice, accidentally taken the cat's medication.
    Don't ask me ow.

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  22. #1635
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    Default Re: Your Best Text Jokes

    Anyone want any copies of chiropractic monthly?
    I've got loads of back issues.

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