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Thread: Your Best Text Jokes

  1. #1786
    Annoying The Idiots Yorick's Avatar
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    Default Re: Your Best Text Jokes

    Quote Originally Posted by Taipan View Post
    A Viking named Rudolph the Red was looking out of his window and said to his wife, there's rain coming my love.
    She looked out at the sunny sky and said I think you're wrong there.
    He glared back at her and said Rudolph the Red knows rain dear!
    Stop.

  2. #1787
    Annoying The Idiots Yorick's Avatar
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    Default Re: Your Best Text Jokes

    Sheila shouts out from the bathroom “ Bruce come quick I have slipped on the tiles and suckered myself to the floor”
    Can’t it wait I’m watching the cricket
    Sheila No come now
    Okay says Bruce when he gets to the bathroom he tries lift Shelia but can’t free her. Hang on said Bruce I will call the next door neighbour he will know what to do.
    Bruce calls Digger.
    Digger arrives they both try to release Sheila.
    But she is stuck fast.
    Digger says I have a club hammer and chisel in the truck we can break the tiles around her that should work.
    Ok says Bruce while you getting the tools I will play with her nipples
    What good will that do says Digger?

    Bruce says if I can get her wet enough we can slide her into the kitchen the tiles are cheaper in there

  3. #1788
    Annoying The Idiots Yorick's Avatar
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    Default Re: Your Best Text Jokes

    Little Bruce and Jenny are only 10 years old, but they just know that they are in love. One day they decide that they want to get married, so Bruce goes to Jenny's father to ask him for her hand.

    Bruce bravely walks up to him and says, "Mr. Smith, me and Jenny are in love, and I want to ask you for her hand in marriage."


    Thinking that this was just the cutest thing, Mr. Smith replies,

    "Well Bruce, you are only 10. Where will you two live?"

    Without even taking a moment to think about it, Bruce replies, "In Jenny's room. It's bigger than mine, and we can both fit there nicely."


    Still thinking this is just adorable, Mr. Smith says with a huge grin,

    "Okay then how will you live? You're not old enough to get a job. You'll need to support Jenny."

    Again, Bruce instantly replies, "Our allowance. Jenny makes 5 bucks a week, and I make 10 bucks a week. That's about 60 bucks a month and that should do us just fine."


    By this time, Mr. Smith is a little shocked that Bruce has put so much thought into this. He thinks for a moment trying to come up with something that Bruce won't have an answer to.


    After a second, Mr. Smith says: "Well Bruce, it seems like you have got everything all figured out. I just have one more question for you.

    What will you do if the two of you should have little ones of your own?"

    Bruce just shrugs his shoulders and says, "Well, we've been lucky so far."

  4. #1789
    Should Get Out More
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    Default Re: Your Best Text Jokes

    Quote Originally Posted by Taipan View Post
    A Viking named Rudolph the Red was looking out of his window and said to his wife, there's rain coming my love.
    She looked out at the sunny sky and said I think you're wrong there.
    He glared back at her and said Rudolph the Red knows rain dear!
    That's lame!

  5. #1790
    Annoying The Idiots Yorick's Avatar
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    Default Re: Your Best Text Jokes

    Quote Originally Posted by Bwana View Post
    That's lame!
    Oh deer

  6. #1791
    Should Get Out More Taipan's Avatar
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    Default Re: Your Best Text Jokes

    Just tried to use my store discount card to get the ice of my windscreen, but i only got 20% off!

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  8. #1792
    Should Get Out More Ant's Avatar
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    Default Re: Your Best Text Jokes

    There's a new craze in bars where girls are putting vodka jelly up their vaginas and having blokes suck it out with straws. Police and health authorities are now worried about the effects of minge drinking.

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  10. #1793
    Should Get Out More Taipan's Avatar
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    Default Re: Your Best Text Jokes


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  12. #1794
    Should Get Out More Jody's Avatar
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    Default Re: Your Best Text Jokes

    Do you know how to fit an elephant in a Safeway bag?

    No, How?

    Take the S off the safe and the F off the way!!

    There's no F in Way

    Eggzactly !

  13. #1795
    Should Get Out More ink ink's Avatar
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    Default Re: Your Best Text Jokes

    Quote Originally Posted by Jody View Post
    Do you know how to fit an elephant in a Safeway bag?

    No, How?

    Take the S off the safe and the F off the way!!

    There's no F in Way

    Eggzactly !
    I suppose that’s not as bad as Yorick’s shagging 10-year olds fantasy.

  14. #1796
    Should Get Out More Horse's Avatar
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    Default Re: Your Best Text Jokes

    Quote Originally Posted by ink ink View Post
    I suppose that’s not as bad as Yorick’s shagging 10-year olds fantasy.
    I presume you meant 'the tale that he regaled us with about two children who had admitted to shagging each other'?

    Otherwise, now Musk's case has ended, there's a space in the courts ...

  15. #1797
    Should Get Out More ink ink's Avatar
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    Default Re: Your Best Text Jokes

    Quote Originally Posted by Horse View Post
    I presume you meant 'the tale that he regaled us with about two children who had admitted to shagging each other'?
    Yes. I hope you were holding your sides when you read that one.

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