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Thread: Your Best Text Jokes

  1. #1501
    Should Get Out More Jody's Avatar
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    Default Re: Your Best Text Jokes

    My dad cried when I gave him his fiftieth birthday card

    "One would have been enough" he sobbed

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  3. #1502
    Should Get Out More go_slow's Avatar
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    Default Re: Your Best Text Jokes

    After my prostate examination the doctor left, then the nurse came in & whispered 3 words that no man wants to hear "who was that?"

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  5. #1503
    Should Get Out More go_slow's Avatar
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    Default Re: Your Best Text Jokes

    My dad died when we couldn't remember his blood type.

    As he died, he kept insisting for us to "be positive," but it's hard without him.

  6. #1504
    Should Get Out More go_slow's Avatar
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    Default Re: Your Best Text Jokes

    My girlfriend asked me "If you could have a threesome, which of my friends you would choose?"

    Apparently I was only supposed to name one, not two.

  7. #1505
    Should Get Out More The Martian's Avatar
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    Default Re: Your Best Text Jokes

    Have you got any good gas jokes? I think the best one's argon.

  8. #1506
    Should Get Out More Ant's Avatar
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    Default Re: Your Best Text Jokes

    I just bought a dog off a black smith.

    As soon as I got him home, he made a bolt for the back door.

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  10. #1507
    Should Get Out More The Martian's Avatar
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    Default Re: Your Best Text Jokes

    Bought a pair of trainers off of a drug dealer yesterday, don't know what he's laced them with but I've been tripping all day..

  11. #1508
    Should Get Out More The Martian's Avatar
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    Default Re: Your Best Text Jokes

    Trying to sell my old dogging gear on eBay, no bids yet but loads of watchers..

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  13. #1509
    Should Get Out More The Martian's Avatar
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    Default Re: Your Best Text Jokes

    To the bastard who stole my anti depressants;
    I hope you're fucking happy now!

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  15. #1510
    Should Get Out More The Martian's Avatar
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    Default Re: Your Best Text Jokes

    Really hope I don't get any more splinters... Touch wood.

  16. #1511
    Should Get Out More protoborg's Avatar
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    Default Re: Your Best Text Jokes

    My daughter asked me for a pet spider for her birthday, so I went to our
    Local pet shop and they were 70!!!
    Blow this, I thought, I can get one cheaper off the web.

  17. #1512
    Should Get Out More protoborg's Avatar
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    Default Re: Your Best Text Jokes

    The wife has been missing a week now.
    Police said to prepare for the worst.
    So I have been to the charity shop to get all her clothes back.

  18. #1513
    Should Get Out More Tomcat's Avatar
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    Default Re: Your Best Text Jokes

    I mixed up my viagra and tipp-ex last night, woke up with a massive correction.

  19. #1514
    Should Get Out More The Martian's Avatar
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    Default Re: Your Best Text Jokes

    Just spent the last half hour on the doorstep trying to get shot of a couple who were banging on about bread..

    Bloody Hovis witnesses

  20. #1515
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    Default Re: Your Best Text Jokes

    My dog is learning the trumpet on the tube, he's going from Barking to Tooting.

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