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Thread: Your Best Text Jokes

  1. #1861
    Should Get Out More Taipan's Avatar
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    Default Re: Your Best Text Jokes

    Our buildings caretaker just asked if I wanted to smoke some weed with him. I declined as I just can't be doing with high maintenance people...

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  3. #1862
    Should Get Out More Taipan's Avatar
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    Default Re: Your Best Text Jokes


  4. #1863
    Should Get Out More KungFooBob's Avatar
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    Default Re: Your Best Text Jokes

    I asked my wife if I was her only one.

    She said yes I was, all the others were eights and nines.

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  6. #1864
    Annoying The Idiots Yorick's Avatar
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    Default Re: Your Best Text Jokes

    While riding my motorbike, I swerved to avoid hitting a deer, lost control and landed in a ditch, severely banging my head.
    Dazed and confused I crawled out of the ditch to the edge of the road when a shiny new convertible pulled up with a very beautiful woman who asked, "Are you okay?"
    As I looked up, I noticed she was wearing a low-cut blouse with cleavage to die for...
    "I'm okay I think," I replied as I pulled myself up to the side of the car to get a closer look.
    She said, Get in and Ill take you home, so I can clean and bandage that nasty scrape on your head.
    "That's nice of you," I answered, "but I don't think my wife will like me doing that!"
    "Oh, come now, Im a nurse," she insisted. "I need to see if you have any more scrapes and then treat them properly."
    Well, she was pretty and very persuasive. Being sort of shaken and weak, I agreed, but repeated, "I'm sure my wife won't like this."
    We arrived at her place which was just few miles away and, after a couple of cold beers and the bandaging, I thanked her and said, "I feel a lot better, but I know my wife is going to be really upset so I'd better go now."
    "Don't be silly!" she said with a smile. "Stay for a while. She won't know anything. By the way, where is she?"
    "Still in the ditch with the motorbike, I guess."

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  8. #1865
    This is the way The Martian's Avatar
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    Default Re: Your Best Text Jokes

    The man who developed the programming for "cut & paste" has died.
    His eulogy is very familiar.

  9. #1866
    Should Get Out More Ant's Avatar
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    Default Re: Your Best Text Jokes


  10. #1867
    This is the way The Martian's Avatar
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    Default Re: Your Best Text Jokes

    A rabbit, a vicar and an Iman walk into a pub. The rabbit looks at the other two, frowns and exclaims "fucking autocorrect wasting my time again!"

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  12. #1868
    Annoying The Idiots Yorick's Avatar
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    Default Re: Your Best Text Jokes

    Quote Originally Posted by The Martian View Post
    A rabbit, a vicar and an Iman walk into a pub. The rabbit looks at the other two, frowns and exclaims "fucking autocorrect wasting my time again!"

  13. #1869
    Should Get Out More KungFooBob's Avatar
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    Default Re: Your Best Text Jokes

    Quote Originally Posted by Yorick View Post
    I do worry about you sometimes Yozza, you need to cut down on the cheap lager

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  15. #1870
    Should Get Out More Horse's Avatar
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    Default Re: Your Best Text Jokes

    Quote Originally Posted by The Martian View Post
    A rabbit, a vicar and an Iman walk into a pub. The rabbit looks at the other two, frowns and exclaims "fucking autocorrect wasting my time again!"
    Quote Originally Posted by Yorick View Post
    Martian, what are you Rabbi-ing on about?

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  17. #1871
    This is the way The Martian's Avatar
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    Default Re: Your Best Text Jokes

    Quote Originally Posted by Yorick View Post
    Seriously?

  18. #1872
    Should Get Out More go_slow's Avatar
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    Default Re: Your Best Text Jokes

    Quote Originally Posted by The Martian View Post
    Seriously?
    A rabbit, a vice and an image?


  19. #1873
    Should Get Out More mrlongbeard's Avatar
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    Default Re: Your Best Text Jokes

    Oy vey

  20. #1874
    Should Get Out More Horse's Avatar
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    Default Re: Your Best Text Jokes

    Quote Originally Posted by go_slow View Post
    A rabbit, a vice and an image?

    Or a rabbi a vicar and a mage?

  21. #1875
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    Default Re: Your Best Text Jokes

    Quote Originally Posted by Horse View Post
    Or a rabbi a vicar and a mage?
    A rabbit with a sitar in the village?

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