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Thread: Does Your other half ever say things so daft it leaves you speechless?

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    Should Get Out More McSatan's Avatar
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    Default Does Your other half ever say things so daft it leaves you speechless?


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    Beat this.

    Lying snuggled up together, my arms round her.

    her: Have you bought a new clock?
    me: No, why?
    her: I can hear ticking.
    me: My watch is by your ear.
    her: Oh. My watch doesn't tick.
    <moments stunned silence>
    me: That's because it's digital.

    or

    walking towards the front door, it's dark and raining.

    her: Look at that, some bastard has dumped a great big pile of bin bags outside the garden gate!
    me: <indignant> That's my fucking CX! It does NOT look like a pile of bin bags!

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    Should Get Out More Derek Badger's Avatar
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    Default Re: Does Your other half ever say things so daft it leaves you speechless?

    Quote Originally Posted by McSatan View Post
    Beat this.

    Lying snuggled up together, my arms round her.

    her: Have you bought a new clock?
    me: No, why?
    her: I can hear ticking.
    me: My watch is by your ear.
    her: Oh. My watch doesn't tick.
    <moments stunned silence>
    me: That's because it's digital.

    or

    walking towards the front door, it's dark and raining.

    her: Look at that, some bastard has dumped a great big pile of bin bags outside the garden gate!
    me: <indignant> That's my fucking CX! It does NOT look like a pile of bin bags!
    LOL good job your missus doesn't post here...oh wait...

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    Default Re: Does Your other half ever say things so daft it leaves you speechless?

    My wife, during a minor argument when we started dateing said.

    "What's so good about going to pub anyway?"

    I just looked at her dumfounded.

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    Should Get Out More moth's Avatar
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    Default Re: Does Your other half ever say things so daft it leaves you speechless?

    Piss orf with your homely tales of lovey-doveyness. The McS/brat grande amour is so last week. No-one's talking about it any more, because...

    There's a new kid on the block. Lynne's wedding.

    Get with the times man

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    Really Bored ABF's Avatar
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    Default Re: Does Your other half ever say things so daft it leaves you speechless?

    Quote Originally Posted by McSatan View Post
    me: That's because it's digital.
    Quality.

    She's right about the CX though ...

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    Should Get Out More McSatan's Avatar
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    Default Re: Does Your other half ever say things so daft it leaves you speechless?

    Quote Originally Posted by moth View Post
    Piss orf with your homely tales of lovey-doveyness. The McS/brat grande amour is so last week. No-one's talking about it any more, because...

    There's a new kid on the block. Lynne's wedding.

    Get with the times man
    I wasn't being lovey-dovey, you crusty old wee stained coffin-dodger. I can be if you want, though. Would you like to hear some of my romantic poems?

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    Should Get Out More Derek Badger's Avatar
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    Default Re: Does Your other half ever say things so daft it leaves you speechless?

    lynnes's getting hitched?!

    *gasp*

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    Default Re: Does Your other half ever say things so daft it leaves you speechless?

    She's a woman. Of course she does.

    Next question.

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    Should Get Out More moth's Avatar
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    Default Re: Does Your other half ever say things so daft it leaves you speechless?

    Quote Originally Posted by McSatan View Post
    Would you like to hear some of my romantic poems?
    That might be amusing. Carry on

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    Should Get Out More Editor's Avatar
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    Default Re: Does Your other half ever say things so daft it leaves you speechless?

    sadly it's me wot do this.

    Quote Originally Posted by Editor View Post
    I woke up at 3am this morning & demanded that the GF be clear for once in her life about precisely which shade of orange she was going on about seeing as there are many different hues. 'Are we talking red spectrum orange, towards yellow, or are you veering towards pink? Where did you see it?'

    'It's just orange,' she said. 'Go to sleep.' I lost it a bit then & turned over in a humph & said 'well don't fucking wake me up again to ask me stupid fucking questions about fucking orange that you can't fucking answer.'

    I had to be told about this...

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    Really Bored Discharge's Avatar
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    Default Re: Does Your other half ever say things so daft it leaves you speechless?

    Not said as such, but last night she got flashed by a speed camera she's driven past daily for about ten years.

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    Should Get Out More Derek Badger's Avatar
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    Default Re: Does Your other half ever say things so daft it leaves you speechless?

    Quote Originally Posted by Editor View Post
    sadly it's me wot do this.
    my missus jumped out of bed, turned the light on and pulled the duvet off the bed. when i asked what she was doing she said 'checking for snakes'!!! when she realised she was half asleep, she told me to 'shut up' and got back into bed.

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    Default Re: Does Your other half ever say things so daft it leaves you speechless?

    Quote Originally Posted by McSatan View Post
    Would you like to hear some of my romantic poems?
    Is it as painful as Vogon poetry?

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    Should Get Out More McSatan's Avatar
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    Default Re: Does Your other half ever say things so daft it leaves you speechless?

    Quote Originally Posted by Skunkmiester View Post
    Is it as painful as Vogon poetry?
    I don't think I wrote any poetry when I worked for Vogon.

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    Default Re: Does Your other half ever say things so daft it leaves you speechless?

    Oh freddled gruntbuggly,
    Thy micturations are to me
    As plurdled gabbleblotchits
    On a lurgid bee
    That mordiously hath bitled out
    Its earted jurtles
    Into a rancid festering [drowned out by moaning and screaming]
    Now the jurpling slayjid agrocrustles
    Are slurping hagrilly up the axlegrurts
    And living glupules frart and slipulate
    Like jowling meated liverslime
    Groop, I implore thee, my foonting turlingdromes
    And hooptiously drangle me
    With crinkly bindlewurdles,
    Or else I shall rend thee in the gobberwarts with my blurglecruncheon
    See if I don't.

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